I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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