I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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