$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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