omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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