Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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