Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
