omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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