I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
