Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
