I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do vagina's smell?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
