I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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