just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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