i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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