walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
