I feel like abortions should bother me more
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
