Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
