that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
