didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
