youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
