He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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