New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
