I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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