i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
