I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
