We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
