Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Im part way to drunk.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
