Im at strip club and am horny
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Randomize
