thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
