seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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