That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
