Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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