You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
