..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
