This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
