sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
