i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
