Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It was confusing and full of hummus
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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