I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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