Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
