If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
