i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
