I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
