You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
