Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
