bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
