Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
