We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
