if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
