Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
