i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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