I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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