my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
