You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
