If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
