i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
