Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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